Gwyneth Paltrow put out a Vagina candle, aptly named “Smells like my Vagina”, which she sold on her Goop website for $75 and they are SOLD OUT. I have so many questions here. Apparently, she was walking along and smelled a scent that reminded her of the scent of her own vagina; she then decided the scent was worth capturing in candle form. Listen to our blog, as Jen and I give our thoughts on this and more celeb scoop!!
I’ve got my gallon of Sam’s Club Cook’s Champagne, a sleeve of Ritz crackers, and Kraft Easy-Cheese on the TV tray next to my recliner. A feast for a queen! I’m prepared to see what the night brings us. First, there HAS to be a wrap-up with #ChampagneGate, correct? I canNOT listen to more of that for an entire evening. I mean, I loves me my bubbly, and I would be very protective of it, but surely the producers have a nice bottle of whiskey and some Sprite lying around, right? If nothing else, they have a flask in their pockets just to deal with some of the whine these chicks are dishing out. Grab that, head to the pool, and get over your bad self, Kelsey.
The drama continues….We open with Hannah Ann and Kelsey crying. Hannah Ann loudly proclaims that she is NOT a champagne stealer! “I’m just not, I would never do that to anyone.” Wow, I mean, have none of you ever participated in a circle of people passing around a champagne bottle and drinking straight from it, and you kept reinserting yourself at different places within the circle in order to ‘steal’ more of the available alcohol? No? Just me, then? I just never thought being a champagne ‘stealer’ was all that bad….
Anyway, we move on to Victoria P and Peter on their date. I’m going to throw out the words “Hair extensions” and see how all of you respond…..Okay, well, I am responding positively, but I definitely think Victoria has them. PP and VP go to a Western store to pick out some boots and hats for a line-dancing date. I mean, who doesn’t go with their man to get a $300 pair of boots and cowboy hat pre-date. NONE of us, that’s who. Note to self: I’m saying ‘I mean’ a lot. I need to slow my roll there. On their date, Peter keeps commenting that he may have found his dance partner for life.
Back to the real drama, Kelsey and Hannah Ann. They get all comfy on a daybed outside. Kelsey opens with, “SO last night wasn’t nice. Bully is a serious accusation to make and I won’t tolerate it.” Hannah Ann responds that Kelsey called her a bitch, a fake, and a champagne stealer, and she considers that bullying. Kelsey admits that they may be some unpleasant names, but far from bullying. HA repeats that she is NOT a champagne stealer. And here’s the quote of the night from Kelsey: “It’s not about champagne. I DON’T REALLY EVEN LIKE CHAMPAGNE.” What????? I LOL’d at that. Then what have the last two hours of the show been about? Come on! Hannah Ann could really care less about being called a bitch; she just doesn’t want to be called a ‘champagne stealer.’ Heck, give me a t-shirt with ‘champagne stealer’ in a funky font emblazoned on the front, and I will proudly wear that tee!
More TV gold from Kelsey. She chastises HA for not coming to her to talk about the whole champagne issue. HA tilts her head to the side and reminds Kelsey, “But you told me to stay the f*** away from you.” Kelsey responds, “So we’re going to make this about me now?” Well, Kelsey, in HA’s defense, she may have been afraid to come near you. Just sayin’.
Victoria and Peter are in an airplane hangar for dinner. Here’s some inside scoop: supposedly, none of the Bach contestants eat the dinner that’s in front of them. They are taken to eat after the filming of the dinner, but they do not partake when we are watching. Anyway, Peter tells Victoria how caring she is, and how great it is that she has opened up, and on cue, Victoria P agrees that she’s a wonderful caregiver, and then starts crying about her mom being addicted when Victoria was young and how she and her sister didn’t know where their next meal was coming from….look people, I completely feel for these girls and their problems, but it amazes me how easily they throw their parents under the bus in order to get sympathy on this show. I’m sure it’s all real, though, so I’ll move on.
VP tells Peter that she thinks they are meant to be. Peter tells her, “I don’t know if we are or not, but I saw a shooting star when I was thinking about the girls on the Bachelor and that made me think I was doing the right thing and that my future wife was in the mansion, maybe even right here.” I paraphrased, but close enough. He gives Victoria the rose and then they go inside one of the planes in the hangar and do who knows what. I think I actually know, but I’m trying to keep this PG.
What’s this? Back at the mansion, Alayah, who seemed all sugar and spice with her grandma’s note at the beginning of the season, starts showing her skanky side. She has like this evil sideways smile on her face and looks like she’s about to cause some major drama.
Group date is announced and who else but Demi Burnett walks in to wake up the girls for their date. One question: How will Peter be able to tell the difference between Demi and Victoria P in case he runs into them both at the same time? Demi and her crew hand out bags with ‘outfits’ in them for the group date girls. The range of outfits runs from Kelley in lingerie to Savannah in a muumuu. Peter takes the gals to a saloon to Demi’s Pillow Fight. Demi lets them know that they are here to fight for Peter’s heart, and she thinks it will be pretty hot to watch, too. Whatevs, Demi. Chris Harrison and Fred Willard are judging, and friends, I believe our sweet Fred has seen better days, but I digress. Oh goodness, Tough Tammy the High School Wrestler is all about this. Tammy and Kelley are pitted against each other, and they both go on attack, but Tammy is actually tackling poor Kelley the attorney. Tammy is having some PTSD and thinks she’s back in her singlet on the high school wrestling mat. She’s so violent, she’s disqualified. Can you get disqualified in a pillow fight? I guess you can. Alayah and Sydney are the two finalists and Alayah comes out the victor.
Group date cocktail party: Alayah is very concerned about showing Peter a side of her that is not the sweet pageant girl. Alayah wants to be vulnerable with him and wants him to know that she’s been through things in relationships.(Haven’t we all. I once had a guy who told me he skipped our date because he was swimming and some coral got on him and he had to be hospitalized because it started to grow on him and he was worried he would turn into a solid piece of coral. Walt, you are a liar of the lowest caliber, but how you made me giggle.) Alayah’s worried about what Pete’s thinking when he’s away from her. These people need to calm down. The show has 30 girls, Alayah. You are NOT going to see him every day. In-between the times you see him, you must remain calm. The producers should have a large supply of Prozac on hand. Sydney is seriously worried about Alayah being fake. Some deep-breathing exercises are called for here. They need a yoga master on set full time.
Meanwhile, Peter is making out with anything that moves. I didn’t even recognize one of the girls he was making out with, could have been a producer for all I know. Sydney lets him know that some of the girls (Alayah) are fakers. Peter is about in tears, because he saw that happened to Hannah with Jed, and he doesn’t want that to happen to him. Peter goes back to all the girls and calls out Syd in front of everyone letting them know she said there were fakers in the house, and he’s not giving a rose out because he’s now upset. Syd goes ahead and lets the girls know that she was talking about Alayah. Alayah goes up to Peter and cries on cue, letting him know how much she likes him. Peter believes her, but in a huge TWIST, gives the rose to Sydney for being honest and having his back!! Marine Mike notes that Alayah is now shooting Sydney daggers, but follows that up with a giggle and, “But she’s sure pretty.” Marine Mike, how little do I know thee? Insert heavy sigh of disappointment here.
Chris Harrison comes strolling into the mansion and announces that Peter is coming over to join the girls for a pool party. Mykenna is all giddy about the pool party. Personally, 25 girls and one guy in a pool does not seem like a fun pool party to me. I would go heavy on the cocktails. What’s this? Peter comes over and shows everyone he is a pool party pooper. He says he’s not feeling his best today and not really up for a pool party. Peter takes Sydney aside and asks her more about Alayah. He also askes Kelsey who confirms that pageant girls can turn it on and off, but he has to figure it out for himself. A parade of the girls all come through and confirm that Alayah acts one way for the cameras and another way in front of them.
Whoa, Alayah just shot me the moon through some black lace bloomers she’s wearing over her swimsuit. Usually the producers are all about putting a black box over people’s privates, but not today. Folks, her tiny bum was shaking through her pantaloons. I had to cover my eyes.
Peter and Madison are sitting down and Peter can’t get over how genuine Madison is. She can’t get over their first date because they both care about their families, and she can’t believe they have that in common. For reals, who could believe that someone else might care about their family? Totes unbelievable.
Alayah takes Peter aside and tells him that she’s “never had her authenticity called into question.” He tells her that his biggest worry is that someone is there for the wrong reasons and he will give his heart to the wrong person. She validates his fear and understands why he would be concerned about something like that. He asks her if she can understand why some of the other gals might think she’s a little fake. She says, no, she doesn’t understand, that she chooses to be happy, and she’s just genuine and drawn to him, and she can’t fake feelings, she can’t fake emotions, she’s a horrid liar, she can’t fake chemistry, she CAN’T FAKE IT! Peter chooses to believe her. Bad move, Pilot Pete.
Victoria P comes out in a fluorescent pink bikini wearing her glasses, making it difficult to decode whether she is Victoria P or Demi B. When Pilot Pete asks her about Alayah, VP tells PP that Alayah asked her to lie about knowing each other from the pageant circuit. She also says, “Coming into this, she [Alayah] was open to all the opportunities that would come out of this, even if you weren’t her husband, so maybe she’s not the one for you.” I will say, it seemed like it bothered VP to have to say that to Pete, which made me think she is being genuine.
PP then goes to get Alayah for another chat. Alayah starts rambling, “Do you wanna go to our spot? This is like a sacred spot. It’s like our talking spot. We had a hard talk here at our spot. I love our spot. We should always go to our spot. Blah blah blah.” Well, those probably weren’t her exact words, but close enough. So, PP confronts Alayah asking her if she asked VP to lie about the two of them knowing each other before coming on the show. Alayah admits to that, says it wasn’t a lie, and she just did it so that neither one of them would get kicked off the show. She vehemently denies lying, again proclaiming she did it so they could stay on the show. Isn’t that still lying though? So much for being a horrid liar, she seems quite good at it. Sweet Pete is not happy, and unless my Spidey senses deceive me, he definitely thinks Alayah is a liar. Chris Harrison announces that the most boring pool party EVER is now over, and they won’t see PP again until the rose ceremony. Mykenna breaks into tears, crying that time is their most precious commodity and now they won’t get any of it with Peter.
When we come off commercial, Alayah is still the focus, saying the last thing she expected was being called a liar and manipulative. “To hear that somebody I considered an ally and a friend coming into this just slaughtering my name is very upsetting.” Gurl, there ain’t no allies in a room full of women competing for the same man, trust me. I’m throwing this out there: Alayah looks like Natalie Portman.
Rose ceremony: Kelsey, Hannah Ann, Natasha, Lexi, Madison, Shiann, Kelley, Kiarra, (someone grab the smelling salts, I think Mykenna’s going down, btw), Tammy, Savannah, Deandra all get roses, and then Peter steps out. He talks to Chris, who then comes back to the ceremony and removes one of the last two roses. I’m confused as to how this helped the situation. Mykenna is still about to pass out. Marine Mike is worried for Peter on the day when Mykenna finally does NOT get a rose. He feels she will fashion a shiv and stab our Peter with it. She seriously looked like she was going to have some kind of breakdown for a while there. Peter ends up giving the final rose to Mykenna saving her breakdown for another day. He sends Alayah packing. Peter tells the girls he will see them next week, but he doesn’t stay for a champagne toast.
What’s this? Sweet Pete goes back to the producers and says, “I don’t know if I want her to leave right now.” Oh goodness, is evil Alayah coming back?
Next week, some major bombshells are happening! The Bach is turning the volume to high!! We hear Victoria EFF say that she used to date Chase Rice who is playing a concert for her and PP, and…..Alayah comes back!
Outtakes: Sweet Pete rides a bull. They show Victoria P turning the speed WAY up on it, and Pete goes flying off. That was kind of mean for someone who claims to be World’s Greatest Caregiver. Bobs out.
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Sweet Pilot Pete has turned into nothing less than a fibber. In this story from Us, PP says he was “just as frustrated” as the ladies that Hannah showed up on his show. Pete, methinks thou doth speak an untruth. Unless my eyes deceived me, the feelings between you and Hannah when you reunited were VERY real and genuine. Unlike Madison, but that’s another story. Come on, Pete, just own your love for the Beast. We support you.
Jen and I have big plans for our next vlog which will film on Saturday! I don’t want to give too much away, but (using my whisper voice) I will be discussing my favorite bra brand and lotions! Jen always has something fab, so it will be a great show!! We think we will try 5 minute segments this week and post them on different nights! Our creative minds are always working!! Tune in at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZmdY2B0buxSu8FQdZ5D3jw and subscribe!!
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As I sit back with a glass of Cook’s champagne, only the best for me, (You can get like a gallon of it at Sam’s Club for $10); I continue to giggle at the wonders of ChampagneGate. I would like to remind everyone that Kelsey is a pageant girl; of course, so was Honey Boo-boo….but I digress. Focusing back on Kelsey, the moment when that champagne came barreling out of the bottle all over her face was a classic Bach moment the likes of which I will never forget. Did the producers shake the bottle before they gave it to Peter? Seriously, why did it come erupting out with such force? If I were Hannah Ann, I would have been laughing my happy ass off in the corner and snickering every time Kelsey walked by me. That poor girl will be in memes from now through eternity. But who am I kidding? I want more TV like that.
Moving on to RunwayGate. No one is talking about this because ChampagneGate overshadows everything, but did anyone else see Hannah Ann slapping Victoria EFF with her dress at the end of the runway? Believe me, I am not an EFF fan, but I thought Hannah Ann was overly aggressive. Hannah Ann comes off as being three-hanky, lovey dovey, and saccharinely sweet, but I see her as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I just see EFF as a wolf. She’s not nice, people. Everything I read about her calls her a husband/boyfriend stealer. What’s up with that? Go find your own man, EFF. Of course, this could all be salacious gossip, so I’ll just shutty.
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While perusing https://www3.abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelor, I found some interesting facts about Pete’s girls in their bios:
Apparently, Victoria P’s “biggest fears are murky waters she can’t see her feet in, and chicken served on the bone.” KFC just lost a spokesperson. “Nothing upsets Victoria more than finding raisins in her cookies.” I feel this means that Ol’ Vic has a low tolerance threshold. Raise your hand if you would actually be UPSET if there was a raisin in your cookie. Here’s a thought: Choose a different cookie. Don’t eat a cookie that day. Lots of options here. Just sayin’.
Alexa is described as a “hippie” who is “all about love and acceptance, but at the same time, this girl has opinions and isn’t afraid to express them. She prides herself on being the type of person to call people out to their face rather than behind their back.” Okay, can we all agree that people who just want to tell you bad things about yourself to your face are also known as RUDE people? Don’t get me wrong, if I have an issue that we can work out, please come and politely have a conversation with me. But telling me that you think my outfit is nasty or I’m having a bad hair day, just because you don’t feel the need to lie? Rude. It’s just rude.
Okay, our friend, Eunice, is described as a “reformed party girl.” I get it. That’s me. I used to love to party. I still like to have a glass of champagne and get my drink on. It just doesn’t happen very often anymore. I’m down with Eunice wanting to settle down, but then, we get to the next part of her bio: “Eunice’s favorite country to visit is Greece, and she can knock back ouzo like it’s water. Eunice’s signature dance move is the ponytail helicopter.” Ha!!! If you can knock back ouzo like it’s water, you have NOT reformed!! AND, the ponytail helicopter? My favorite dance move is the Hand Roll and Point. The ponytail helicopter is definitely a party girl move.
“Kiarra LOVES talking and says her greatest skill is that she can literally talk to a brick wall about anything and everything.” Stop right there. Do NOT give her a rose. You do not want to listen to inane chatter for the rest of your life, Pete. Her only real gift is contorting her body to fit in a suitcase anyway.
“Lauren says she has exit interviews with all of her exes to figure out what went wrong.” I’m disturbed by this. If I gave exit interviews to all my ‘exes,’ I would have an encyclopedic set of Bobs knowledge. No one is interested in that. Not even me.
Tammy has scared me from the beginning. She just looks like she wants to kick some a**. Her bios says, “Tammy tried to join the boys wrestling team as a junior but was turned away! She responded by showing up to every practice and pushing forward on a Title IX complaint until they accepted her. Good thing they did, because once on the team, she went on to have a 7-1 record wrestling on the boys’ varsity team.” I’m curious as to the wins. A plethora of questions come to mind that don’t really need to be asked here. I’m not happy with her litigious efforts at pushing a Title IX complaint forward though. Bach producers, you need to watch out for this one….
AND ON WITH THE SHOW!!!
Back to Hannah and Peter…Hannah needs to tell him she’s tied to ‘Dancing with the Stars’ and can’t be a girl in his house right now, but she’ll keep him on the back burner. The cameras move to the other girls on the date, who are quite up in arms about Hannah being involved in their date. The good news is that the producers have refreshed Hannah’s mascara since last show, when she was looking like the late Tammy Faye Bakker, God rest her soul.
Hannah climbs on Peter’s lap. Marine Mike is sitting next to me and makes the comment that he wouldn’t mind if Hannah crawled on his lap. Oh, MM, you know you only have eyes for me. Leaving us all hanging, Peter and Hannah break it off, and Peter goes to find the other girls. He leaves Hannah looking like a very depressed man wishing he had the love of the Beast. We bid you, adieu, sweet Hannah. Hope to see you as the next Bachelorette! I could totally do another season of Hannah B.
Peter gathers the group date girls together and announces, “As you all saw, Hannah B was here today.” Unless they are blind, Peter, they couldn’t have missed her. She gave them intimate details about the sex you had in the windmill, they KNOW she was there. Peter tells them that he needs to take some time to think about Hannah because his feelings haven’t gone away. Nasty Natasha snarks out, “SHE hasn’t gone away. Every time I see you, I’ve seen her.” Peter tells her that’s a fair statement, which it IS, however, Natasha came across as being crabby, cranky, cross, crotchety, fiery, grouchy, grumpy, and irascible. It was not a pretty look on her. Peter tells the girls he feels like a complete jerk, but he’s heading out anyway, and off he goes.
The girls are very irritated, except for Sydney, who says, “I thinks he’s okay, because we’re here, and I’m here, and I’m ready to show him I’m ready.” I feel like Syd did not have a perfect SAT score, you know?
Anyway, the girls are sent off to the after party to await Pilot Pete, and Natasha is coming across as a Queen B, if you know what I mean. She has RBF to the max, and sweet Pete just needs to send her home. Have a cocktail, Natasha, and get over it. Have three cocktails and move on. Natasha has not imbibed and continues to be coldly sober and mean. Peeps, I generally don’t believe that alcohol solves problems, HOWEVER, in the off-chance I was stuck in a mansion with 27 other women, competing for the heart of one man, that might be the instance when alcohol is EXACTLY what was needed and I would make full use of it.
Simple Syds talks to Pete and tells him that she has been a victim of bullying and racial profiling, so all the emotions she experienced there, were brought out with the whole Hannah thing. I do not see the correlation. I’ll be honest, I THINK that was what she was saying, her conversation’s kind of hard to track.
Mykenna asks PP to show her how to dance, and he says, “I do this weird snap thing, and then an airwalk.” Whoa, that was some of the worst dancing I’ve ever seen. Definitely white boy dancing. What is with Pete constantly throwing girls up on tables and bars to make out with them? Neck problems? No chiro on set? Anyway, Sweet Syd gets the group date rose. Is it just me, or does she seem prepubescent? At least in her personality.
Cocktail party: Lexi goes off with Peter and is trying really hard to give off a Kirsten Stewart, ‘I’m super cool’ vibe. She’s succeeding. Peter tells her that he has some red hair in his beard and points to it so that Ginger Lexi will kiss it. She does, and they proceed to make out.
Kelsey sets up a champagne bottle and two glasses by the fireplace. Right when she’s going to grab sweet Pete to open the champagne, MyKenna snatches him. When she comes back, Kelsey let’s Mykenna know that was unfair. Kelsey, Miss Iowa 2017, is flipping out. Gurl, this is the way the game is played. You snooze, you lose. Go get him now instead of yelling at these other girls.
Next up, Madison and sweet Pete rekindle their romance. PP gives Madison a photo of him and his family, and honestly, Madison’s saccharine personality kind of makes my skin crawl. Can anyone be that sweet?? Her job is a foster parent recruiter. Her bio says, “Madison loves working with foster kids and wants to open an orphanage one day.” Has this girl run the pageant circuit? No, she’s the basketball player with the mean jump shot. Having been a BB player myself, I’m well aware of the competitive spirit of athletes. I’m sure Madison was smiling as she was elbowing someone in the teeth gathering a rebound…
On to Kelsey…what’s this? Hannah Ann and Peter find the champagne that Kelsey got for her birthday and has been saving for a year, and THEY pop it open! Now, friends, this is in the background of Kelsey talking with the other girls about how important this bottle of champagne is to her. How she’s been saving it for sweet Pete, how she can’t wait to share it with him, then all of a sudden, POP! Kelsey walks over to the unsuspecting Hannah Ann and Peter and upon spying the open champagne bottle, she starts bawling…her support team surrounds her to comfort her, but Kelsey runs off. Peter tries to entice her to come out of her room, but she doesn’t, so he goes back to Hannah Ann, who’s the one he really cares about anyway. At which point, Kelsey comes storming out of her room and confronts Hannah Ann yelling at her that Hannah Ann purposely stole Kelsey’s bottle.
Miraculously, another champagne bottle appears. (Thank you producers.) Kelsey settles down and decides to drink it with Peter. Peter pops it while all the girls clap for Kelsey. PP asks Kelsey if she wants to drink from the bottle or the glass, and she says “The bottle. I’m not a classy bitch all the time. “ He gives her the bottle, and people, I am wetting myself here, I can’t breathe I’m laughing so hard, the bubbly basically erupts in her mouth and sprays all over her face. You HAVE to see it! Sadly, I tried to Google it, but could not locate a clip.
More confrontation: Hannah Ann tries to talk to Kelsey, who tells her not to come near her. Hannah Ann, ever polite, says she respects her opinion and if that’s what she wants…then she goes on to say “I acknowledge your feelings….I’m going to tell you what, if Hannah Ann says she acknowledges anyone’s feelings again….What does that mean anyway? She’s said it three times now. I could care less if someone acknowledges my feelings. Acknowledge just means to “take notice of.” HA could have said, “I noticed your feelings.” Means nothing. I have spent WAY too long on this and need to move on.
Rose ceremony: Lauren, Courtney, and Payton go home.
Group date: Alexa, Mykenna, Lexi, Natasha, Victoria EFF, Hannah Ann, and Kelsey. Date care says, “Time to let your personalities shine.” Victoria EFF feels skeered. I am telling you, this girl is scared of nothing. Me no trusty. They go into a store called “Revolve.” Carson Kressly, Janice Dickinson, and someone involved in Revolve are there. Janice has had a LOT of plastic surgery. When I say a LOT, I don’t mean some. I am telling you, Michael Jackson, God rest his soul, had nothing on her.
The girls pick clothes that they are going to model for a runway show. EFF pretends like she’s getting all nervous and says she feels overwhelmed. Translation: “ I’m ALWAYS the lead act on the stripper stage. I’m usually sleeping with any man I meet, so competing with other gals isn’t my style.” Was that too mean? I get a bad vibe from her.
Runway show: All the girls look super cute, because let’s face it, they’re super cute girls. Hannah Ann comes out in a wedding gown. Mykenna looks like a Vegas showgirl. EFF says that PP knows her as the girl who “whispers,” and she’s about to change that. She steps up her game and dons a robe and teddy, then proceeds to make out with Sweet Pete on her way back down the runway. Meanwhile, Janice Dickinson is just trying to find one of them who could be a decent model. The final two in the runway show comes down to Hannah and Eff. Hannah keeps slapping Eff with her gown. EFF runs off crying and acting defenseless and fragile. PRODUCERS get her a tissue before she wipes her nose on that gown! Hannah Ann wins a ton of crap from Revolve. I just checked out www.revolve.com and there is some expensive stuff there! Whoa. Good on Hannah Ann.
PP is talking to EFF, who is pretending that she’s so mentally unstable that she doesn’t know if she can continue being there. I just feel this is all a bunch of BS. Pete tries to boost her ego. He asks her how she made it through the runway show. Um, alcohol. Alcohol is how she made it through the show. She would have made it anyway, though, because she’s a big faker. She cries and he consoles, and she’s fine and here to see another day.
PP goes to Kelsey with a bottle of champagne, which I hope puts an end to Champagne-gate. But I know it won’t be that easy. Flash over to Hannah Ann who says she feels as if she was being bullied by Kelsey. Bully is a word that is thrown around a little too much these days. Hannah Ann is fine. She begins tattle-telling on Kelsey by telling PP that she stayed up “all last night crying. ALL last night crying.” She also tells him she felt bullied. Pete makes out with her and tells her he REALLY likes her. That soothes HA a wee bit. She’s 23 years old going on 14. Pilot Pete goes out to give the group rose date. Both Hannah and Kelsey are feeling confident that they will get it. WRONG-O! The group date rose goes to EFF! Are you kidding me? That faker totally has Petey snowed.
PP then asks to speak to Kelsey. Hannah Ann’s plan is working perfectly. You can almost see her rubbing her hands together with delight. He addresses the bullying issue with Kelsey. I’m quite sure the producers MADE him address the bullying issue to keep ABC out of a potential lawsuit. Kelsey denies bullying Hannah Ann and tells Pete that she is not a bully, because she has been bullied in the past. (Because of course, you can NEVER BE a bully if you have been bullied yourself.) Oh Mylanta, we’ve all been bullied to one degree or another. GROW A PAIR. Also, I have googled the Webster’s dictionary definition of bullying, and it reads, “abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone stronger, more powerful, etc.” Hannah Ann is anything but vulnerable. These girls are on an even playing field, so Kelsey is not stronger, ergo, Hannah Ann was not being bullied.
Next week: It doesn’t look like Champagne-gate is going away anytime soon. Hannah Ann is seen crying, “I am not a champagne stealer!!” LOTS more drama ahead, too. Pete’s mom crying, “Don’t let her go. Don’t let her go. Bring her home to us.” Peeps, from the previews, it looks like little Peter may be getting a lot of action this season. Conspiracy theory: Is it possible he has impregnated someone and that’s what mama is crying about? Talk amongst yourselves.
Outtake: Janice Dickinson is asking Natasha and EFF about the scoop in the house. Janice gives the good advice to them not to fart. If they have to fart, they are to cough over it. Does Janice think this is their first date? EVERYONE knows that.
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