Bachelorette Clare Crawley 11/5/20
I am sitting here with my Bachelorette Survival Box, downing wine in my new Bach glass, and chewing on some rose’ gummies. Life is good.
We begin with the guys complaining about feeling defeated after Clare decided not to give out a group date rose. Clare’s acting like a real piece, and the guys are disgusted with it. Flash to Clare journaling: Dear Diary, I’ve just met the cutest, like guy, and after spending like a whole 12 minutes with him, I like, think, I’m like in love. Either that or she’s drawing hearts with “Mrs. Clare Moss” in the middle. I’m really thinking that’s it.
Chris comes over to talk to Clare, and he’s breathing heavily as if he’s just run a 10k to get to her. He basically tells Clare she can’t continue like this. He lets her know the guys are majorly ticked, and she needs to have a serious conversation with herself about what she wants to do. I couldn’t agree more, Chris. Clare’s letting us all know about the connection she has with Dale, and she’s going on and on and on….. Chris should have been a psychologist, because he gets down to the nitty gritty in less than 20 words, “Clare, you spent your whole life looking for someone that reminds you of your dad. Is Dale that man?” Clare tears up and mumbles, “I think so.” Seriously, Clare, you couldn’t have just gone through the process and be a normal Bachelorette like everyone else?
Clare tells Chris she wants to spend all the time she can with Dale, and then Chris asks her if it’s over for the other guys. She nods yes, and he utters the immortal words, “Congratulations, you’ve just blown up the Bachelorette.” I don’t know exactly what that means, but it sounds like this is Tayshia’s cue to enter.
Meanwhile, cut to the guys who are talking about fighting for Clare at the cocktail party. Poor guys, they don’t know what is about to unfold. Enter Chris Harrison, who tells the guys Clare was extremely emotional and let him know that there’s not going to be a cocktail party or a rose ceremony tonight, and he will see them tomorrow. Then Chris asks Dale if he can talk to him outside. The poor gents inside think there’s still hope for them, but we all know there’s not.
Chris tells Dale that Clare wants to spend time with him this evening. Dale’s confused, because he thought he would have at least 6 more episodes to parade his hot bod on television, and he doesn’t know what’s happening.
So Clare and Dale are at dinner (but not dinner, because they’re just sitting outside at a dinner table and I read that they never eat the food, because it’s been sitting there for so long) and Clare’s telling Dale how much he reminds her of her dad. Wait, is this next thing kismet or just a false story? Clare tells Dale that her dad hitchhiked to see her mom after meeting her one time so that he could propose to her. And lo and behold, Dale tells a story that his dad was in Omaha and his mom was doing basketball clinics and HIS dad HITCHHIKED to see his mom. GET OUT OF HERE! (Insert eyeroll.) Clare is so excited about this similar story that she’s about to have a big O. I call BS.
Clare calls Dale ‘emotionally intelligent.’ See, the Bachelorette is all about cerebral conversation and defining a person’s character traits. Dale tells her she has a beautiful aura. At this point, Marine Mike comments that Claire’s going to give Dale her bod whenever he wants it. Okay, he said something much more foul involving her posterior, but whatevs, I don’t think he’s wrong.
Now she tells Dale that she is SO falling in love with him. Dale tells her that when he saw her, he felt love. He doesn’t say for her, though, although perhaps that can be implied. Here’s a nice touch, they bring Chris and Bri from “Listen to Your Heart” on to sing to Clare and Dale. That made me giggle. Clare and Dale go to bed together, and cut the cameras.
Their conversation is like listening to two twelve-year-olds. Clare: I wanted to tell you I loved you immediately. Dale: No, I wanted to tell YOU I loved you. Clare: No, me first. Dale: No, me….Someone fetch my hurl bucket quickly.
Clare asks him if he wants to go back to the house. HA HA HA! That would be funny if she slept with him and then told him she really didn’t know if this was what she wanted. Now that would be some good TV. Cut to the guys who continue to whine and cry about not getting any time with Clare and appear to have spent the evening on the couch talking about her. The boys are even defending Clare’s honor and saying that she wouldn’t sleep with Dale this early in the game. WRONG-O!
Am I the only one who HATES Clare’s whispery “yeahs” that she constantly says? It drives me nuts. Like everything’s so deep and she’s living in a rom-com. And when you whisper things it makes them seem so much more romantic. Ugh.
Here comes Clare to break the news to the men. She tells them she came there to find the love of her life, and what she came here for, she thinks she found, and it’s with Dale. Then she said she’s a woman who knows what she wants, and so she took it and what she took was Dale. At that point, I think the guys are in shock and don’t want to hear Dale’s name mentioned one more time. The thing is, Clare has known she was in love at least four other times that I know of. I hope this one works out for her, but if I was a betting gal……SO the gentlemen demand an apology, but in the end, they tell her how much they respect her, and off she goes as happy as a clam. The guys then add up the time she has spent with Dale before last night, and come to the large sum of two hours. It doesn’t seem like much, does it?
Pan to Chris Harrison and Dale. Chris tells Dale that Clare “broke up” with all the other guys today. Then he basically tells Dale that Clare is expecting a proposal. Friends, he’s a 31 year old man, does he really want to jump right into a proposal with Clare, who has proven herself a little nutty as of late? Dale is eyeing a ring box and pushing out some big breaths. Duh duh duh…..
Chris H is such a butt. He just told Clare that there’s something he needs to tell her. Of course, Clare immediately comes to the logical conclusion that Dale’s not showing up. Instead, Chris says, “We’re proud of you.” Why are they treating this 39 year old woman like a toddler?
Dale does show up, and I think he’s a mime, because he basically repeats back to Clare what she said to him. And THEN…he does it, he gets down and proposes to her. NICE ring, btw. Then she starts saying “Clare Moss” which validates that’s what she was writing in her journal. Man, Covid has really messed with people. These two are scared to wait for anything in case they catch “the Cova” as my mother calls it. SO they rush into marriage with the first willing body. Don’t get me wrong, they’re both beautiful people, but perhaps this went a bit quickly.
Anyway, Clare is done, so now a limo pulls out and who steps out, but Tayshia, the new Bachelorette!
Chris walks in to tell the guys that Dale proposed to Clare and the two have left quarantine and are headed out into the real world together. He then announces that the boys’ journey is also not over, and they need to decide by tonight if they want to continue.
Blake and Jason seem to be pretty hung up on Clare, but they need to get over that, because she never felt a dang thing for them. Bennett is the wise one, because he says he was never invested in Clare, and he gets a clean slate, and he’s excited for a fresh start. Good for you, Bennett! Blake and Jason continue to be Debbie Downers. I say they should just adios themselves and hit the road. Poor Tayshia deserves guys who want to be invested in her. Three guys are walking to the meeting room to hear their new fate, but who’s the douche with the white high tops and the suit? Is that a thing? If it is, it shouldn’t be. Oh, it’s Zac C., an addiction specialist. I have no idea who he is. Blake does show up, and now everyone’s waiting to see if Jason appears. Of course, there was a huge buildup about Jason and how in love he was with Clare, but then Jason walks in the door. He looks as if he’s been crying. Someone revoke his man card.
Chris Harrison walks in and tells them how great they all look. Eazy nods and says, “You said your best. You said your best.” Eazy took that to heart and is looking good in a maroon plaid suit. Chris announces that there will be a new Bachelorette, and literally, two of the guys grab hold of each other and squeeze each other’s knees. Weird.
Here comes the limo, Tayshia gets out and greets Chris. She really is pretty. I’m hoping she’s a good Bachelorette. He sends her down a LONG path to see the guys, and she opens the door, and TO BE CONTINUED….darn you Bach producers…. Murrell out.