We are stocked up with Seagram’s Tropical Rose’, queso, and brownies ready to enjoy an evening of laughter and fun! I am joined by my fellow Bachelor fans, Nic and Jen. First, might I say, if you have never tried Seagram’s Tropical Rose’, you must go out and purchase this delicious beverage. Also, we will be playing the fun game, Drink Every Time Jamie Touches Trevor’s Face. It will be a wild night.
Chris announces that today is Fantasy Suite day and the contestants need to have some serious conversations about their relationships. Everyone is paired off and given their songs….What’s this? Now we have Matt confronting Rudi, telling her he doesn’t feel he can get to where the others are in their relationship. Poor, sweet Rudi. Why, Matt, why? Goodness, the Captain and Tenille sang together, and they weren’t in love, right? Why is he so focused on the love part??
I’m so mad at Matt. I mean, honestly, it’s a performance, go out and “perform.” Don’t worry about the love aspect, you two are the best singers on the show!! As sweet Nic says, “If they leave, we’ve got slim pickin’s left.” So true!! Jen also has a super good point, if the two have such a great connection with singing, why aren’t they just going for it?? I concur!
Matt and Rudi head to Jamie and Trevor to let them know they are taking off. Enter Bri and Chris and Chris’s ever-present scarf. He must use it to wipe the copious amounts of sweat from his face and body. Bri says, “I know you’re doing exactly what you need to do, and that makes me happier than anything.” Uh, yeah it makes you happy, because now you’re that much closer to winning, but let’s not mention that. Rudi and Matt walk to the limo….can I just say that I want to squeeze Rudi’s hiney which is looking mighty fine in those snakeskin palazzo pants. I just hate that they are leaving.
Trevor and Jamie head to their fantasy suite. Jamie starts talking nonstop and tells us for the ten millionth time how every person she’s ever dated has cheated on her. Trevor stops listening about 10 seconds in, but has the foresight to know that when she pauses he needs to say things like “you mean a lot to me,” and “I couldn’t do this without you.” Of course, that’s pretty much what he says any time Jamie takes a breath, and it seems to please her. They head on up to the boudoir, and Nicole makes the comment, “Shouldn’t they be practicing their songs instead of fornicating?” Touche’. Indeed they should.
Chris and Bri decide NOT to go to the Fantasy Suite. Questions abound here, like “Why don’t you just go to the Fantasy Suite and eat some strawberries together?” or “You could just go to the Fantasy Suite and practice your music together.” (Guess who said that one.)
Chris and Bri and Chris’s scarf head to the studio together, while Trevor and Jamie dine on French toast, pancakes, doughnuts, and all manners of forbidden carbs in their suite of sin. There’s a little guy in the studio directing Chris and Bri, who can’t seem to get the love flowing. Bri says it’s hard to get it together because of last night. Huh? They both seemed perfectly happy with their decision to forgo the sexual intercourse suite. Don’t second guess yourself, Bri. Okay, between the three of us, we’ve figured out that the editors are cutting this so it looks like Chris and Bri are NOT going to make it, since they did NOT make it aka sleep together, but Trevor and Jamie who DID the nasty are going to make beautiful music together. We are onto the clever editing in this show.
The performances are ready to start and as Chris Harrison is announcing, the camera pans to the contestants to find Jamie and Trevor in heavy make-out mode. Jamie pulls her lips away from Trevor and has an angry look on her face that her love-making had to stop. Jen makes the comment that she is worried about Trevor, as she believes Jamie is a “stage five clinger.” Thank you, Vince Vaughan and Wedding Crashers. Jamie and Trevor go out to sing their two songs, and Jamie touches Trevor’s face no less than 10 times. Drinkety, drink, drink, drink….Honestly, their singing is not that great. You can barely hear poor Trev, and Jamie just keeps grabbing his face and making out with him. I fully expect them to lie down and do the horizontal mambo in front of all of us. Taye Diggs makes the comment that the two need to be more independent of each other. Translation: Jamie, get your hands off freaking Trevor and go sing on the other side of the stage.
Chris and Bri now take command of the stage and completely nail it and are not hanging all over each other which is an added bonus. I laugh at the women in the audience giving their slow clap along with the song, just happy to be out of the house away from their kids, and in the presence of Bachelor royalty. I wish I was with them. After Chris and Bri’s song, Rita Wilson comments, “I feel babies are happening soon!” That took a turn I wasn’t expecting. Trevor and Jamie are no longer making out as they know their chances of winning are slim to none.
Random comments happening here: I wonder how Chris Harrison sleeps at night after all the lives he’s changed….the day Chris Harrison stops changing lives, is the day the world ends….Drink every time Chris Harrison says ‘sold-out crowd’….Jamie, your bra is working overtime tonight…why aren’t they practicing more?…
Winning couple: Bri and Chris and Chris’s scarf….It only makes sense… All right, this has been fun. Murrell out.