It’s Women Tell All! If the planets are in alignment, Peter is going to face the wrath of a bunch of angry gals tonight! I hope he’s wearing a bullet-proof vest!!
We begin at the rose ceremony with the three (or did Madison take herself out of the running?} women after the Fantasy Suites. Papa Chris is talking to sweet Pete about his feels. Pete is still feeling regret and crying. He honestly looks like he’s going to vomit. One thinks it’s over the loss of Madi, but he continues to insist that he’s in love with all three women. So, why the tears, sweet Pete? He reiterates that Hannah Ann’s the sweetest woman he’s ever known, BUT….he’s in love with Victoria as well. I, myself, am confused. Could these two women be any different? Come on people, you know sweet EFF is probably a maniac in bed, and Hannah Ann seems like she’d try hard to PRETEND she was, but wouldn’t quite be able to work that out. Pete’s about to vomit over the side of the cliff because he doesn’t see Madison there, but then she shows up. Madison is probably a good mix of the two other gals, and that’s why he so desperately needs her to be there. She has a brain and can carry on a conversation, and when she’s happily married, she’ll probably be just fine in the boudoir. She’s athletic and that has to count for something, right?
A look of relief washes over Peter, but then he comes to the stand to give away the roses, and he literally is about to have a nervous breakdown. Can I just say that I hope Pilot Pete handles himself under pressure in the cockpit much better than he’s doing here? Delta, do you test your pilots for stressful situations? Cause if I get on a plane and see Pete’s the pilot and there’s storm clouds ahead, I’m gonna want to get re-booked on the next flight.
Am I crazy, or does Madison look like she’s disgusted and PO’d? Friends, I am laughing so hard at poor Peter right now. Producers, I hope you have a clean change of undies, because that boy just wet himself. He’s shaking while he’s asking Madi if she wants his rose; he’s about ready to cry. She makes him wait while she thinks about it. Then she finally says, “Yeah.” He pulls himself back into the real world, is clearly shocked, answering her, “You sure?” She says she is, and they hug.
Now he has to say goodbye to Victoria. He tells her how he’s falling in love with her, but he’s just more in love with the other two. I get that. I’m in love with Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pine, and Chris Pratt, but I’m more in love with Hemsworth and Pratt, you know? Same, same. Victoria goes home, and now we’re at the Women Tell All portion. I could be wrong, but I have a feeling this will be a major bitch-biting fest.
Chris asks the girls what they thought about Madison giving Peter an ultimatum. Sidney decides to open her big mouth and talk about how she and Madison are kind of the same. They’re both from small towns, they both have certain standards. Umm, Sid, I’m concerned about some of these standards of which you speak. From what I hear, lying is not beneath you. Just sayin’
Chris first addresses the Victoria P and Alayah situation. He goes to Sidney to ask her about her thoughts, and of course, Sidney has some. She talks about how fake Alayah is, but doesn’t allow Alayah to get a word in edgewise. Sid definitely wants to be queen of this show, I just don’t know why the producers are letting her. Alayah starts talking in a screech voice saying that she’s just as annoying off camera as on, and she has a voice that her mom calls her ‘princess voice,” and at this point, I’m just like, huh? Why are you dissing yourself? Girl have some pride! Now they all just start yelling at each other, and Savannah starts yelling at Victoria P that she’s the fakest person ever. I really can’t hear anyone saying anything. I get the impression these gals don’t like each other.
Champagnegate is then discussed, and the conversation turns to Kelsey’s emotions and possible substance abuse. Here, the camera turns to Tammy, who’s just sitting there with a hang dog expression. She’s all over the place with her excuses. Tammy first tries to defend herself for tattling to Pete saying she only did things out of concern for Kelsey. She next tries to justify her actions saying they are all kissing the same man, so if Kelsey’s on drugs, the rest of them need to know. If she brings up the coronavirus, I’monna go through my TV. Tammy full on denies saying that Kelsey was an alcoholic or drug user. I’m gonna call it, False. Tammy, I’m pretty sure you said pretty much those exact words, or at least, they were very synonymous with those words. Someone mentions that the pill=popping rumor was started by Victoria P. Victoria P leads with, “Well, as a nurse…” Someone immediately cuts her off, saying, “You work for a dermatologist.” And that’s the name of that show. We don’t hear anything else from Victoria P.
Tammy is a nasty person. She is not happy with her outcome on the show, so she’s going to bring down everyone else. In looking at her bio, it looks like she has like 6 jobs. She’s very driven, so not succeeding on this show is probably heart-breaking for her. Still, that doesn’t mean you have to be nasty to anyone else.
Kelsey’s on the hot seat. She says, “Emotions are a good thing for both men and women.” Probably true. Ashley I comes out to meet Kelsey, because obviously, she’s a fellow crier and emotional person. Tammy sits behind them making ugly faces when Ashley thanks Kelsey for standing up to the emotional “shamers” everywhere. I think Tammy can’t wait to get off the show tonight.
Next up, EFF is in the hot seat. I think she is a really beautiful girl, but WHOA, that is one short skirt or is it shorts? I wish she wasn’t wearing those huge false eyelashes. She’s quite lovely without them. Goodness, I sound like I’ve got the hots for EFF. I don’t. Marine Mike’s the only guy for me. And Chris Pratt. If I have to choose. EFF is talking about her regrets with how she acted, and she seems sincere. She addresses the accusations that have been made against her for breaking up marriages. EFF is denying that she broke up any marriages. Who knows? She seems different today though. Maybe she could be the bachelorette down the road….
Peter, Chris, and family are heading off to some Bachelor viewing parties. Gals, we NEED to do this!! Let’s get Chris and the next Bachelor to come to Joplin!! Party with Jen and Bobs!!
Peter is in the hot seat. He says the favorite part of the experience was all the relationships. Well, I hope it wasn’t the free meals, Pete. Kelsey starts crying and says, “I’m just honestly grateful for you, and now I think I’ll be able to find someone.” Goodness, Kelsey, you ARE gorgeous, and you probably have a decent personality away from all this hullabaloo. You WILL find someone. Who hurt these women?
EFF comes up and thanks Peter for putting up with her, and then tells him she’s sorry for everything. She should then turn to the viewing audience and apologize to us, because we had to put up with her too. Peter quotes the Bible, saying “Love is patient.” Madison will appreciate that if she’s watching.
Chris opens the floor to questions. Mykenna asks Peter why she kept him around for the rose ceremony if he was just going to dump her after her date with Tammy. Sweet Pete makes the claim that he had no idea who the roses were going to that evening. He actually made it sound as if he has no control over that aspect. Strange. Savannah wins “Biggest Balls of the Evening Award” for asking Peter if he regrets keeping women around who want drama rather than some of the women who were there for the right reasons. She kind of got a gasp from the audience, but she’s right. It was a painful season, my friends. I must say, I think Pete got off really easy tonight.
Bloopers: Peter and Mykenna make out and Peter lifts her up on the counter and slams her head into a cabinet. Victoria P hears some hyenas, or, I don’t know, some kind of dog in the background, and asks, “Are those chickens?” There’s a plethora of bugs, and Peter is the most skittish person in the world.
Oh, no they aren’t. The Bachelor is giving us a PSA? Really, a show that literally has no moral values is going to talk to us about virtue. Bachelor, STAY IN YOUR LANE. That’s all I’m gonna say on that. Bobs out.