Friends, my champagne is iced and I am ready for a fun evening of Pilot Pete and the gals….
Hannah Ann is super excited to take Peter to her hometown of Knoxville, TN. The first thing they try is ax-throwing. Much like his attempts at basketball with EFF, Peter fails miserably, and the axes go cluttering to the floor. Finally, Pete makes one stick, and that is the cue for the make-out session. After some major lip service, he and Hannah sit down to talk. Here’s something fun, Peter has written Hannah Ann a letter since she had previously written him one. His first sentence is “I love how intentional you are.” Hmmm, intentional. Pilot Pete acts like that’s a really deep word. It means “done on purpose; deliberate.” The opposite of intentional would be accidental. It would be a sad life if one were to do everything accidentally.
What’s this? Hannah Ann names her dresses? He loves that about her? Ooookay. Hannah Ann says she’s going to read his note every morning and every night. Okay, I get it. I read my bf’s letters when I was 19, too. And kissed them and stuck them under my pillow…or was I 14? I forget.
Meeting the folks: As Peter starts talking about the excitement of ax-throwing with Hannah Ann, mom and siblings are very excited, but dad sits silently. They cut to him on camera, and Dad’s exact words are “It was a big day, ‘cuz we hadn’t seen Hannah for quite awhile and we were excited obviously, to see HER and spend some time with HER (emphasis mine); then, of course, she brought PETER with her (I LOL’d hard here), which is new and exciting, I guess.” I’m no brain surgeon, but my guess is that dad ain’t crazy about having to share his daughter with sweet Pete.
HA’s sister asks if HA is falling in love with Peter, and if he is in love with her. HA says she doesn’t know if PP loves her, but he wrote her a note with 110 reasons why he loves her, so her sister thinks that letter might be a big clue. They then read it to see if they can find any more clues. Even though I feel Hannah Ann is very stoic with her feels, her sister claims she’s never seen Hannah Ann so happy. They both start crying and embrace.
HA’s mom warns Peter that she is fine with this whole thing, but Pops may not be. We then move to dad and Peter, who tells Peter that he presents himself well. Well, he is a pilot for Delta. The kid is no slouch. Dad asks Peter how he feels about the other women he’s around compared to Hannah Ann. Of course, Peter can’t answer, but tells dad it’s real, and that he was going to tell HA tonight that he’s falling in love with her. Dad asks him not to say it unless he really means it. Then Dad reiterates with force, “Do NOT say that word to her unless you really mean it.” This throws Peter for a loop. He’s confused. You can see the “Wait. What?” written on Pete’s face. Pete tells Dad he will take that under advisement, but what does he do instead? He hops, skips, and jumps to Hannah Ann to tell her he’s falling in love with her. Hannah Ann lets him know she is in love with him, and “She’s in it.” She tells Peter that she loves him when they are standing at the car, and Peter tells her he’s 100% there. He asks her to say it again, and when she does, Pete responds, “I love hearing that.” Ladies, I know it’s all part of the show, but if you tell someone you love them, do you really want the response, “I love hearing that?” What a letdown!!
Next up is Kelsey, who is in Iowa. Carrying on her penchant for vino, Kelsey takes him to make their own bottle of wine. They stomp grapes in a vat and make out. Question: Did they not have to wash their feet first? Just askin.’ Btw, Pete is looking very Harry Potter-ish with his scar and his scarf.
Peter and Kelsey name their bottle of wine, “Wine.” Just when I thought this show couldn’t get more cerebral, it surprises me. Kelsey tells PP that she knows how she feels about him, and Pete interrupts her and says, “How DO you feel about me?” This man loves nothing more than hearing the words “I love you,” especially when he doesn’t have to say it back. She lets him know she loves him and he sits there with a huge grin on his face kissing her hand.
PP heads out to meet Kelsey’s family. Here’s some scoop…I heard that the “home” Kelsey brings Peter to, is not actually their home. Just some fun tidbits I’m sharing. Kelsey’s sister says that Kelsey has not brought a “boy” home in a couple years. Maybe that’s because she’s dating men now. I had to go there. Is it just me or does Kelsey’s younger sister look like a blonde Hannah Ann?
Kelsey’s mom talks to Peter about how special he must be because Kelsey doesn’t fall in love easily. Mom tells Peter not to break her girl’s heart, and follows that with “Do you understand?” The parents on these dates are actually parents, how refreshing. Kelsey tells mom she told PP she loves him, and then they start crying, mainly because they both know he’s still dating four other women. People, can we dissect for a moment? If your child was NOT dating the Bachelor, and there were NOT TV cameras around every corner, and they came home and told you that the person they were in love with was dating three other people, would you, as a parent, embrace that relationship? No! You would not!! These are just normal people caring about their children.
Next up, Madison from Auburn, AL. She takes Peter to Auburn University, where her dad coaches basketball. Mad and PP practice the war Eagle cheer which about makes me want to vomit. Peter pretends that being inside the basketball stadium is totally awesome, even though he knows little or nothing about basketball. Charles Barkley gives Peter a message on the big screen. One of the coaches walks out and says, “I guess I made two final fours this year.” Get it? Maddie starts dribbling and shows Peter her athletic talent. Peter starts dribbling and probably just wishes he could hide in a hole. Yep, he’s that bad.
Peter acts like he loves that Madison’s SO athletically talented, but we all KNOW he’s completely embarrassed at his lack of skills. She’s like jumping over him to do layups. He is so wishing he was back in a cockpit right now. They make-out in the arena and head to meet the family.
Maddie’s parents look like they are younger than Peter! Seriously though, dad looks like he’s in his thirties. I’m assuming he’s not. So, the family goes around and says something nice about Maddie, because she has the special plate in front of her. They say grace, and it’s nice to see a family that appears to love the Lord and love each other. They toast with sweet tea. Peter has never tasted sweet tea, but guess what? He LOVES it. Of course, he does.
Maddie’s mom takes her aside to talk to Maddie about whether or not she’s talked to Pete about her being a virgin. She puts it very politely, “Have you talked to him about decisions you’ve made for yourself?” I respect that they are such decent people.
Dad asks Peter how he’s feeling about Madison, and Peter says the same thing he’s said to everyone, “She’s awesome.” Dad asks Peter if he knows for sure if she’s the one, and Peter’s like, “that’s a tough one. If it was the last week…” Dad cuts him off and reminds him it’s not the last week. Again, Pete’s like “Wait. Huh?” In his mind, he’s thinking, man, usually when I tell someone their daughter’s awesome, they just leave me alone. Not Maddie’s dad.
Maddie finds it really hard to leave her family. Peter tells her he’s really excited about “us.” She did not tell Peter that she loves him, and we all know how much Peter loves to hear those words. He just told the camera, “I love Madison….but her parents gave me a really hard time.” Get over it Petey. You’re fine.
Okay, Victoria F, or EFF as I call her, and Peter are meeting up in Virginia Beach. She immediately says, “Hiiiiiiiiii” to Peter, and it’s like nails on a chalkboard. Victoria takes hi to Old Time Photos, and, surprise, Peter LOVES this. Peter knows a life with EFF could never be boring, so he’s excited to figure out where it can take them. Whenever there’s an awkward silence, she interjects with “Heeeyyy” and then they make out. Next, EFF takes them to a concert with Hunter Hayes. Did EFF date Hunter, too? Is Peter going to ask her? I would.
Peter is talking to the cameras about how great his date was with EFF and how excited he is to meet her family and starts to head off when someone named Marissa calls him out. He goes to talk to her, and they shoot the breeze, and all of a sudden, she says “Can I give some advice? Be careful.” The girl says she knows EFF and tells him there have been many relationships broken up because of her, so she wanted him to know. He asks Marissa if she realizes how serious this is for him right now. Marissa answers that she does, but she wanted him to know. It’s amazing that the producers managed to whisk EFF away before she could see this woman talking to Pete.
Pete’s down in the dumps and doesn’t know what to do. Apparently, it is revealed that Pete used to date Marissa, and that’s why she felt comfortable approaching him. All I got from their talk was that he purchased a Guess jean jacket from a store she used to work at. Anyway, Pete pulls up to EFF and tells her he wants to talk to her. He tells EFF what Marissa said to him about EFF causing a lot of other relationships to end. EFF denies it. Pete says it has put him in a bad head space. EFF basically doesn’t want to talk about it, and all ka-ka breaks loose. She shuts down and Pete tries to motivate her into kick-starting her love for him. She tells him she is done with the conversation and walks away. I have to say that Peter really did put what Marissa said before his “love” for Eff. Now, I’m not saying I blame him, but it didn’t come off well.
EFF tells Peter she adores him and she was going to tell him tonight that she was falling in love with him, but then she starts crying and whining about him meeting her family tonight, and how he shouldn’t have done this to her. I honestly think that she could care less if our Sweet Pete with a receding hairline (It’s there) dumps her or not. She got herself further along than she wanted. She probably just wanted some more Instagram followers. She tells him adios, and he gets back in the car and leaves poor EFF standing on the curb crying. Her mom runs out to her and amid EFF’s tears, she tells mom, “He leeeeft.” Well, he didn’t exactly leave….you kind of told him to go…
Peter is back at his hotel and there’s a knock at the door. Lo and behold, it’s EFF! She apologizes for what happened, and he apologizes as well. Is there such a thing as being overly-mannerly? If so, that’s Pete. Another word one might use is wussy. I like Pete, but he’s kind of a wuss. Pete’s telling EFF that they have no communication skills. Surprisingly, EFF is quiet and listening to him while he rants. She then starts crying. But I repeat myself. Does that girl ever NOT cry? Anyway, I guess she’s back in the running for the rose ceremony. My Spidey senses tell me this will not go well.
They’re holding the rose ceremony in an airplane hangar. Peter gives the first rose to Hannah Ann. The next rose goes to Madison. The final rose goes to EFF. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Why would he want someone who cries every five minutes and causes nothing but trouble? I’m so confused.
Peter walks Kelsey out. She is composed and not crying. Peter tells her, “I know you probably didn’t see that coming at all.” Like out of left field is what I’m thinking. He tells her when she told him she loved him, it meant the world to him, but he wasn’t at that point with her; he wasn’t there. Why did you plaster a shit-eating grin on your face and kiss her hand when she told you then? Oh, these Bachelors.
Peter goes back into the hangar and tells the girls they are headed to Gold Coast, Australia. Madison starts breathing heavily, and then decides to tell Peter about her virginity….but we’ll have to stay tuned for that conversation until next week…
Previews: EFF thinks Madison has put Sweet Pete into an awful predicament. I’m curious as to her train of thought. If Peter actually cares about her, it would seem to me he could avoid sleeping with her on national television. But, plot twist, we see Madi pulling a Luke P and telling Pilot Pete that she could not go forward with their relationship even if he slept with the other girls. Hmmmm, talk amongst yourselves.
Back at Eff’s house, the family gets a special clip of their own since we didn’t get to meet them. Dad asks if he has to call him “Pilot Pete.” They all say yes, but dad is not going to call him that. They then ask grandma if she’s going to give ‘nana kisses.’ Nana says yes, and mom starts screaming that no one likes those. They are uncomfortable and cringey. Sister asks grandma why she gives the kisses near the ear. I’m wondering that myself, grandma. I’ll bet you can clear a room quite easily. Murrell out.